Personal Reflections On 2011

2011 was not my best year. It would be hard to top 2009. It also wasn't my worst year; 2003-04 were both equally painful. But the year just past was, in many ways, my most significant year. It was filled with equal parts sorrow and joy. Epic highs. Cataclysmic lows. Turmoil and beauty.
Not a single minute was boring.

After living in the same house for over ten years, I was forced to move not once, but three times over the course of four months. I do not like moving. Dislike the feeling of rootlessness it left me in. It was due mostly to my mistakes that I had to move in the first place. I lost my beloved cat Soot, whom I will forever miss.
I'm often forced to ride the bus or rely on a ride home. I hate having to rely on others to get me somewhere.
But on the flip side, I believe that I've learned some important lessons. Be a pro-active roommate. Communicate. Chip in. I now live in a nice little house with a good friend. There is more freedom here than I had before; I'm allowed to keep my cutlery, plates, and towels in the same place as his are. No longer do I have to keep everything in my room because there is "no room" for my collection of things. I'm sharing a home, not just staying someplace. And I am no longer paying $200.00 to $300.00 a month in bills. Oh, and there's a washer/dryer.
It still feels odd at times. I'm very much a creature of habit, and this is new. But I understand that change can be good, and I believe that this was and is a good thing. I'm happier. More relaxed. No longer looking over my shoulder, afraid that any decision which I make (not, truthfully, that I made that many) will be laughed at or labelled "weird." I look forward to going home now. I WANT to go home, rather than stay out all day or night in an effort to avoid those I'm living with.
Oh, and there's a washer/dryer. I think that I may have mentioned that.

My alcoholism, which has been steadily growing over the years, was at an all time high in 2011. There was rarely a day which went by when I wasn't drinking. A lot. Booze led me to commit a few shameful acts, acts which will stay in my heart and between me and the other parties involved.
I often felt helpless against the powers of the bottle this past year. But I think that I'm okay. I'm still drinking heavily, but feeling better about it. I'm not ready yet to quit or cut back. When I am I will.

Creatively speaking, my year was a marvel. I acted in three plays back to back to back: a very good production of "Hamlet," a Victoria Fringe Festival play which was critically well received and relevant ( a first for me in The Fringe), and a cute Christmas production which not only paid money but gave me my first puppeteering experience.
I became a stand up comedian, doing my first set in January and carrying on throughout the year. I won The Showdown (a talent competition) in April. My sets have been well received and I even have a video on You Tube. I've discovered that I love the rush of stand up. It was long a fear of mine, and I conquered it in 2011.
Alas, it appears that, at least for now, I have left my beloved improv behind. I've lost a part of my passion for it. Let's hope it returns this year.
Also in 2011, I acted in a murder mystery, an improvised soap opera (which is on-going), and started this blog. All good things.

I was hideously broke much of the year. Not good. But I rediscovered my empathy. Good.

As most of my friends know, I am writing short stories based on the life and music of the wonderful Karen Carpenter. This project took on a life of its own in 2011. I wrote like a demon, more than I ever had before. Almost each night for six months, dating back to the end of 2010, I wrote. By the end, I had filled nine notebooks worth, 126 stories in all. I've never been so passionate about writing. It's made me want to write more, instilled in me a new found discipline. The goal for 2012? Finish editing, get some readers and outside opinions, and look towards publishing.

More good things: I have continued to post a daily anagram on Facebook, and they are better and sharper than before. I participated in - and won - Victoria's first Haiku Slam.

More bad things: I hurt some people in 2011, alienated some others. Made mistakes. Occasionally got lazy at work.

There were some crazy nights. These, too, will remain between myself and the people involved.
There was beauty in the insanity.

In 2010 I discovered that I have a soul. That things can touch me. In 2011 I learned more about the depth of my feelings.

In 2011 I discovered that underneath the alcoholism, arrogance, and aloofness, I'm all right.

Here's to 2012. I can't wait.