Thursday, October 27, 2011

A Little Test

Post started: 1:51 pm.

LOL: Laughing Out Loud

WTF: What The Fuck?

LMAO: Laughing My Ass Off

IMHO: In My Humble Opinion

TTYS: Talk to You Soon

:) Smiling

FB: Facebook

Post Finished: 1:55 pm.

Time spent checking typos, thinking, and dealing with a slow computer: 1min,30secs.

Actual Time It Took To Physically Type This Post: 3min,30sec.

Get It?

STOP WITH THE COMPUTER SHORTHAND! TYPE WORDS WHICH HUMAN BEINGS HAVE BEEN USING FOR CENTURIES! MAKE THE EFFORT!

That is all.

TTYS

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Haiku Rants

So many air quotes
Fingers wagging up and down
I wish arthritis

Abbreviations
are a sign of laziness
And et cetera

Old ladies in line
slowly putting change away
So oblivious

Cell phones in theatres
Why do you need to be told?
Should be obvious

Extra cigarette?
Last time I checked my package
It came with twenty

The Women's bathroom
What surprise awaits me there?
Use the tampon bags!

A Subway Sandwich
does not require lettuce
Keep those hands off it!

"When's your next show on?"
"I'd really like to see you"
"Sunday? I won't come."

To, two and too, too
Different words! Not the same
It's time t(w)o(o)learn this

Racist You Tube post:
Your words might have some impact
If you learned to spell

Friday, October 14, 2011

Karen Carpenter And The "Body Image" Myth

Even those people who have never heard a Carpenters song - though I would argue that everybody has, they just may not know it - know that Karen Carpenter suffered from Anorexia Nervosa and that the disorder contributed to her death (technically speaking, she died from a heart attack combined with ipecac poisoning.) She is the "poster woman" for the disease. Most casual observers, and many diehard fans, believe that she had a lifelong problem with her weight. That she was fat, or at the very least, overweight. That she dieted constantly, and was obsessed with "being fat." It doesn't help matters that the 1989 tv movie "The Karen Carpenter Story"- a hideous piece of junk rife with half-truths and outright lies, heavily censored by Big Brother Richard and their mother Agnes - has a scene where a young Karen, reading a review of an early Carpenters performance, sees the words " his chubby sister." This supposedly set her on the path to self-destruction. Which may be possible. Had this incident actually occurred.
But it didn't. "The chubby article," as serious Carpenters fans refer to it, never happened. Randy Schmidt, author of "Little Girl Blue," the (so far) definitive Karen Carpenter biography, and himself a serious Karen fan, has debunked this myth. He did a great amount of research, conducted interviews with dozens of Karen's close friends, acquaintances, and peers. No such story ever appeared. I have conducted hours of my own research, searching through Google archives to find one mention of this story. Nothing. I checked for other articles which may have described Karen Carpenter as "fat," "chubby," "chunky," or "in need of dropping a few pounds."
Nothing. On the contrary, what I DID discover were numerous articles, reviews, and stories which described Karen Carpenter as "foxy," "pretty," "lovely," and "cute." All talked about her voice. Many paid tribute to her prowess as a drummer. A lot of the stories were pop star fluff, of course, describing Karen's "idyllic home life" and talking about her hobbies and future marriage plans. Typical stuff of the day. But not one ever had a mention of her "weight problem."
Not. One.
Fact: Karen Carpenter went on The Stillman Water diet at the age of sixteen. At 5'4", the tomboy Karen weighed 140 pounds. She lost twenty pounds on the diet (done with the consult of a doctor, by the way) and she maintained a weight of 120 lbs. until the end of 1974, when she started to lose weight in a serious, and eventually deadly manner.
The same weight. For nearly eight years. I can't help but gather from this fact that Karen had no serious image or weight issues during this significant chunk of her life.
Fact: Karen Carpenter HATED the Stillman diet. She said this in several interviews in the '70s. She said this long before the Anorexia kicked in, when her words could not be considered a form of denial over her disorder. She hated that she couldn't eat hamburgers and onion rings with the rest of the band.
Fact: Author Schmidt, during the course of his research for "Little Girl Blue," interviewed many of Karen's elementary and high school friends. Not one of them said that they had ever witnessed Karen having any sort of problem with her weight or with eating. All expressed shock that she could become anorectic. Not a single one of her friends, friends to whom she maintained a closeness all of her life, even after she became a worldwide superstar, not a single one of these friends said anything along the lines of "yeah, I kind of saw it coming. She was always dieting and would pick at her food."
Not one.
Fact: Dozens of articles were written about Karen Carpenter in the early part of the '70s. She was everywhere, a sensation. The equivalent to Miley Cyrus and Katy Perry today (though of a completely different caliber of talent.) She was always talking. Not until 1973 did she ever allude to any weight issues. Prior to that time, she spoke of singing, drumming, her family, cooking (she was a gourmet chef, ironically), baseball, and her hopes for the future, amongst other more fluffy subject matter. Her weight, or a desire to lose weight? Never mentioned. Not once.

This does not sound like a woman with a "lifelong" body image issue to me.
Consider: Karen passed away at age thirty two. She began displaying symptoms of eating difficulties at age twenty five. In between, there was The Stillman Diet at age sixteen. By my math, this means that she was seriously ill and losing weight for the last seven or so years of her life. Considering further that she actually made a recovery at age twenty six from her first serious weight loss (not Anorexia, but that will be a future post)we now have six years.
Six years. Out of a life span of thirty two. While certainly a long time to be fighting a sickness, it hardly qualifies as a "lifelong problem."
Many, including poncy psychologists with little or no knowledge of Karen's history, have attributed her being a drummer to the fact that she used the kit to "hide" her body behind. On the surface, this makes perfect sense: a chubby girl with an image problem hiding behind a massive drum set. Until one researches, and discovers that Karen Carpenter LOVED the drums; that she, as I wrote in my first entry, considered herself to be a drummer who happened to sing. She began playing around on the drums at the age of thirteen, following in the shadow of brother Richard. She also wanted an excuse to get out of gym class! She soon became a serious student of drumming, practicing and studying every spare moment that she had. She loved the drums. It was only after much urging from her brother, who told her that "nobody could see her and she needed to be out front," that she finally, reluctantly, gave them up. But she wasn't happy about it and was never the same afterwards. There are ample videos on You Tube showing a laughing and joyful Karen jamming away on the drums. The expression on her face is one of joy, not fearful hiding.
As to Karen's belief in her appearance, well, that's open to interpretation. But in my world, a woman with the severe body image issues she is supposed to have had would not wear a bikini. Would not wear a short skirt with white gogo boots (see "Jerry Dunphy Interviews The Carpenters" and "Carpenters: Battle Of The Bands.") Would not wear a curve hugging, shoulderless dress (see "Carpenters Holland 1974.") She was a beautiful and often sexy woman, and pictures and videos back this up. Throw in her flirtatious manner and the fact that almost every man whom she dated, and many whom she did not, fell head over heels in love with her.
There remains ignorance about Anorexia. It's supposed to be a disease about body image, about sufferers seeing themselves as fat, even when they are skeletal. And in some cases, this is most likely true. But it's a disease, and like any disease, its causes and effects are different. It is a deep and complicated disorder, and its sufferers are often deep and complicated persons. Karen Carpenter was certainly the latter. She had so many layers, and to say that her anorexia stemmed solely, or even primarily, from a desire to "be thin" is to do her a great disservice. In my ideal world, casual and serious Karen fans alike would stop taking things as the gospel truth, would look beyond the diets and the words of her brother, and LOOK, closely LOOK, at so many of the pictures and videos which exist. Would dismiss the tv movie as so much Hollywood exploitation. Would research and read. Analyze. Some do these things, of course. But too many do not.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Nothing To LOL About

My favorite comic strip at the moment is "Pearls Before Swine." The gullible pig. The rage-filled croc. The sensible and long suffering goat. All great characters. The best of the best for me, though, is rat. He's arrogant, narcissistic, and cruel. In good ways. He smokes too much and drinks a lot. He's very smart, and he knows it.
In a recent segment of the comic, rat decides that he is going to seriously hurt those who end e-mails and posts with "lol." Did I mention that he's violent as well? In a good way.
In this instance, in a very good way.
Rat hates "lol." And so do I.
Let me add that I dislike all forms of computer shorthand. It's sheer laziness, a by product of the "quick in, quick out" mindset of our current society. Don't take those few extra seconds to actually write the words out, oh no. Heaven forbid that while we're typing out complete sentences, we'll miss being first to download the latest app. Or install that brand new software.
Communication between human beings has been reduced to a continuous stream of unsubtle sound bytes, designed to appeal to the lowest common denominator. Not so many years ago, if I found something to be funny, I would simply say so. I assumed that whomever I was speaking to was intelligent enough to understand me the first time. There was no need to reinforce my feelings by, essentially, NARRATING them.
And you know what? We are all intelligent. Everybody I know, whether friend, foe, or Facebook, is of above average intelligence and perfectly capable of understanding that if I look at a picture of their cat wearing a tuxedo and it gives me the urge to respond, a simple "I like that" or "Cool!" will suffice. It will get my message across.
I see no reason and feel no need to add "lol." Because you know what? Maybe I'm NOT laughing out loud. Maybe I'm merely chuckling. Or maybe I am laughing very hard but trying to stifle it because I'm in a coffee shop. Or maybe I simply don't feel the desire to insult you by reducing my feelings to three letters. Maybe I will tell you that I'm laughing. But if that's the case,I will have the courtesy to take the extra few moments to tell you so. In real words. Without shorthand.
Do you even care that I'm laughing out loud? Is it even true? Maybe I'm just saying that I am. And therein lies another problem with computer shorthand. We don't know for sure what the truth is; we're merely adding letters. But if I see something which reads "this made my day. Thank you" (which, to be fair, I have), than I know that whatever I've chosen to share actually had an impact. It meant something beyond the countless updates and notes and posts we receive daily. It means that the receiver of my message respects me enough to use real words to express them self.
We don't speak to each other in person in this abbreviated manner. We'd be offended if somebody did. We say "nice to meet you" when introduced to a stranger. Nobody would think of saying "NTMY." So why is this acceptable on-line practise?
I do not and will not use computer shorthand. If I enjoy something, I will tell you. If I'm expressing my opinion, I will not write "imho." Because I'm not a ho. I love the English language. Words mean a lot to me. So I will not lessen their impact by cutting them short.
I have to side with the rat on this one.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Anagrams

I have posted an "anagram of the day" as my Facebook status update almost daily for nearly three years. I've skipped only about five days in total during this period of time.
Why did I start this? A couple of reasons. First, I wanted to do something a little different than the typical Facebook post, a break from "Hey, come and see my cat performing great scenes from Neil Simon!" and "Going for lunch with Ron and Roy. We're going to eat lynx tongue. Finally!" Second, and more important, I hoped that this might lead to fame. The People Magazine kind of fame. You know what I mean. "Roberta Powell of Truscott, Arizona has ate beans every day since 1988." That kind of fame. And in this era of easy accessibility, it's not as if I'd have to seek People Magazine out. Somebody from the publication would find out about "that Facebook anagram guy," right?
Not yet.
But...I am known, sort of, as "that Facebook anagram guy." My friends do read them. Some even comment. Many seem to "like" the anagrams.
It's become a fun sort of game. I post an anagram-for example, today's was "Asp Spa"- and then a definition in the comments bar. Today was "Cleopatra THOUGHT that she was going to relax." Others can, if they wish, come up with their own definition, phrase, or alternative anagram. It's a great deal of fun, and I receive a strange satisfaction from posting. In fact, when I skip a day, I feel emptier, less complete, as though I've failed to complete a daily chore. I've found that I go through periods when I obsess over anagrams. I see them everywhere. They pop into my head with no warning. I strive to turn every word which I read into an anagram. I often write down a months worth of posts, and I feel an odd sense of pride, or maybe triumph, when I post an anagram which receives several likes and comments. Sometimes I'm too clever ("Sinatra: Art, A Sin" received no airplay) and sometimes some of what I believe are my least inspired and boring ones generate a lot of activity.
I've (re)learned that simple is often best.
So, if People Magazine-or Leno, or Letterman- haven't come a'callin', why haven't I stopped by now?
Simple: I NEED to do this. It's a form of discipline, making that time every day, no matter my physical or emotional state, to post. Sometimes I have to force myself. Good. I need that. Too often in my live I have taken the easy way out, avoided or put off things which I don't want to do.
The anagrams keep my artistic juices flowing. It's a form of creative calisthenics, like a daily visit to the mind gym.
The anagrams make people happy. And I like to put a smile on somebody's face, or a laugh in their heart. Lots of bad news out there today. If I can provide even a one or two minute distraction from all of the unpleasantness, well, that makes me happy.
The anagrams make me look a lot more clever than I am, I hope. So, yeah, they're an ego boost as well.
I love words and wordplay. Very few things give me more pleasure. So, yeah, they're personal and somewhat self-indulgent, too.
I like the fact that I refuse to use one of the myriad anagram finders available online. To me, that's cheating. The anagrams must come from my head. But,....
...occasionally I receive suggestions. I do use them, with due credit. I will not say that something is mine when it isn't. I like reading suggestions. It means that people are playing, and thinking, and engaging in creative talk. All good things.
I've had to google some words to make sure that what I was posting was accurate. I was pretty sure that I knew the definitions of "scion," "pocks," and "monde," but I wasn't comfortably sure. Now I am. I liked doing that little bit of research.
I've read that playing word games may help to stave off Alzheimer's Disease. Nothing frightens me more than the prospect of losing my mind, which I believe to be my strongest suit. If the "anagram game," as some call it, helps to keep my brain strong, I'm all for it.
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.